Always
by Shinderera
Summary: At the end of the manga Sesshoumaru leaves Rin with Inuyasha and co. But will he come back for her? Does Rin want him to? Or has she moved on with her life? After all she is only a human and he is a great demon.


_The first thing she remebered was the smell. It was..indescribable. It was..pure. Not clean. No..not exactly. Untainted. Undiluted. Like..the smell of the forest on a crisp spring day when the sun is just coming up. You can feel the coolness of the air on your skin and the refreshing cold of the dewy grass on your feet and you just close your eyes and breath it all in. It was like that. Only there was no dewy grass or even a breeze. There was..warmth. Soft, sweet warmth touching her cheek. She just wanted to burry herself in it and never leave. She had never felt anything so heavenly. She felt..safe. Protected. And all she could think was...is this heaven?_

_And then she opened her eyes. She nearly cried. There he was. That mysterious..beautful man that was unlike anyone or anything she had ever seen before. He had saved her...He had saved her!  
_

-

Rin walked the trodden dirt path that led into the forest, that was still known as Inuyasha's Forest, from the village. She was given the task of collecting herbs for her caretaker, the village priestess Kaede. She carried a woven wicker basket and she was barefoot. She wore a plain kimono given to her by one of the village women when she had grown too old and big for it. Rin wore it only sometimes. So not to offend the women who had been kind to her. Her lord still visited her and gave her gifts of kimono.

These people of this village were good people and Rin loved living with them. Though, she suspected that having a half demon protect their village and a young kitsune play with the village children helped ease their prejudice. So having a little girl who had once been the ward of a demon was no big deal to them. They merely shrugged and carried on. But what surprised Rin the most was when other children would come up to her and invite her in their games. Or when the village women heard she was an orphan they would give her clothes or food or just talk to her. It was..amazing. Rin felt that she could be happy here.

But she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted.

She had been in the village for about two years now and she was a fast learner. She had easily picked on what herbs did what and what they looked like. And even how to prepare some of them into medicines. She was by no means a healer, but she could get along fairly well if she needed to with the knowledge she had gained. Kagome-san was even teaching her to read and write. An oppurtunity she never thought she would have. She gave a silent thanks to her Sesshoumaru-sama, along-time habit she had developed, for giving her her life back and for bringing her to this village.

She never prayed to the gods. Never made offerings at the temple, nor asked for blessings or charms or purifications. No. The gods had failed her. They let her parents be butchered. They let her die an equally cruel fate after living a tormented life. Only Sesshoumaru had saved her. He saved her life, he saved her soul. He was her god. There was no other.

She kneeled down and gently cut the stalk of what would be a very pretty flower. As Kaede-sama had taught her, you must harvest the plant before it flowers. Because then all the plants proteins were in the stems and therefore could be used as opposed to when it flowers, thus sending the protiens to the flower and making it more difficult to cultivate. Rin smiled. Back before she ever met Sesshoumaru-sama, after her parents had died, she had never thought she would ever have the chance to be educated.

She harvested all the necessary herbs for Kaede-sama. On her walk back she felt like she was going home. To have a home after so long meant alot to her. And it made her happy, truly happy to finally belong somewhere. To have a chance at a life again. Yet..a part of her still longed for her lord. A part of her heart still called to him and believed he would always be her one and true home.

_-_

He pulled Tensaiga out of its sheath. The minions of the underworld were now in his sight. With the unearthly glow of the dead, they stood out against the dark backdrop of the forest, glowing ever brighter as they absorbed the human-child's life. His clenched the sword in his hand, feeling it pulse. He knew the sword could bring the dead back to life. Jaken was proof of that. He needed no further testing. He knew this and yet...he couldn't wipe her face from his memory. Her bruised but smiling face. All because he asked her what had happened to her. He didn't even truly care. But the act of questioning had been enough for her.

_She was just a child. Yet, in her foolishness, she had tried to save him. He hadn't needed her help. But her innocent pity for his demonic soul had touched Sesshoumaru in a way he had not known in a long time. He owed her this. He wanted to give her this gift. _

_With a single stroke, the minions were slain. Their bodies hacked in two then they dissolved into nothing. _

_He kneeled, inspecting the body of the human child. Had it worked? She remained motionless, her eyes open and blank. Damn. Why would it not work? Sheathing the sword, which may or may not be useless, he picked her up with his arm and held her close waiting to see any signs of life. Her body was filthy and her kimono tattered. Her face was bruised and blotched with blood. And he could still smell the blood that stained her kimono from the wound that killed her. Anger began creeping up. Had it failed? Was the sword truly worthless after all? He was about to toss the lifeless body away when...her heart began to beat again. He stilled, his body tensing. Then her eyes fluttered open. And they looked at him with such..wonderment. Like she had seen god. This..this human girl was so..innocent. So naive. Even when he had snarled at her, she still didn't run away from him..no. She tried to help him! As if he wasn't a demon. As if he couldn't tear her to shreds. She was so odd. So..full of life. _

_He couldn't let her die. And now...he had repaid hid debt. And his sword..was indeed useful. He gave a silent thank you to his deceased father. He stood and left._

_She followed. His eyes widened a little. Why..? What could she possibly see in him that would benefit her? He was a demon...he gladly killed humans. What made her think she would be any different. And yet..without his consent..she was._

-

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

I could not love her. Nor could I give her what she truly needed. I've been a fool for too long. I nearly ruined her. Perhaps I did. Perhaps I was too late.

I have always despised that disgusting creatures called humans, and with good reason. Not once had I ever seen anything in them worth loving or even respecting. And then on one auspicous day I met Rin.

I was injured to the point of near death, surprisingly by my bastard half brother. A little girl..tried to save me. A little human girl who was either very brave or very stupid dared approach me. It was later I learned that Rin was not stupid, and that her bravery came from a complete disegrard for her own safety. What she severly lacked in self presersavtion she more than made up for in the fact that she would risk everything and anything to save those she cared about.

Humans hate demons. They see us as the vermon. Though I must agree many demons are indeed as putrid and vile as humans themselves, most humans do not see the demon heirachy. They simply see evil creatures bent on annilating them. Children are taught from a young age to fear demons.

I myself am an aristocrate. I am powerful, and wealthy. Demons and humans alike stay out of my way, knowing what I can and will do to them. I am not known to stay my claws, nor am I a man of words. My actions speak for me and as always my actions have said, I will glady kill those inferior to me should they stand in my way. I am feared for a damn good reason.

Rin never feared me.

Though I hissed and snarled and bared my fangs at her, though my eyes bled red..she only looked at me with a strange curiosity. Truly, I thought, this child must be beyond foolish. She came upon me and...tried to save me from my fatal wounds. Now when I look back...I find myself smiling. I am a demon. I heal just fine on my own and human nourishment will do me no good. Yet still..she tried.

What it was that she saw in me that she risked her life in a clumsy attempt to resue me I do not know. All I know is that she saw something in me that she saw worth saving despite me being a horrid demon who would kill simply for the pleasure of it. And for that I had freely given her my wicked heart.

But..that is what I am. A demon. And she is a human. I am not so blind that I could not see the obvious affection she held for me. How she seemed to blossom with life after I took her under my care. The love that shined in her eyes when she looked upon me. Though I can never say it...I cannot deny it to myself that I felt the same. I changed that day that she found me bleeding in the forest. But..I cannot, will not let that change be known. She will not be my weakness and I will not follow in my father's footsteps. I will not make his mistakes and Rin will not suffer because of my foolishness.

I cannot love her. And I cannot be what she needs. A family, a home, a father, a husband..All I can do..the only way I can show my affection for her..is to let her go. She is still young..raised by a prietess as the orphan she is in the village I have left her in, one day she can find a husband..have children. Do what all human women do. And forget the demon lord whose heart she held.

There is no future with a demon. She will be hunted, as Inuyasha's mother was. Rin will not share Izayoi's fate. She will live.

I can only hope that I have not ruined her from her own people. That she will not be seen as a demon's whore, though she was never that to me. I doubt anyone would truly understand the dynamics of our unusual compainship and that is for the best.

She must forget me and move on. This is the only way I can ensure that she will live. But I will never forget her. The little girl who dared approach a demon lord. Who dared to make him love her.

-

_"Sesshoumaru-sama? Will you miss me when I die?" She spoke so casually, as if she was not inquiring about her own death. But then, Sesshoumaru figured, she'd already died once. I attempt to hold back my shock, but the child had caught me by such surprise that it showed on my face for the briefest of times. _

_"Don't speak such nonsense Rin." Jaken gaped at Rin and then looked to his lord. He nodded at his lord's answer. Foolish humans, he muttered under his breath. _

_Sesshoumaru could not answer her. As a demon, he knew that she as a human would die far sooner than he. It was a thought that often crossed his mind. And then he would think of his life before Rin and the life he would live after she had gone. To the world outside, nothing would change. Rin was nothing but a silly human child. On the inside, in his most secret of hearts, she would leave an emptiness that would never be filled. _

_Yet, he could not say the words. 'I will miss you, my Rin,' were the words that would never leave his mouth. He would not give her that, would not let himself feel it. No. She must remain the human that merely followed him. She could never be anything more. _

_The fate of his father and Inuyasha's mother had taught him that much._

_-_

Her lord had just dropped off another kimono for her. She was sixteen now. A woman. And ready to be married. She had never envisioned herself wedded to a normal man with a topknot and maybe bowed knees from working in the fields. She had never really imagined marriage at all. Her life was to Sesshoumaru.

The kimono was a furisode, long-sleeved kimono. The kind young, unmarried women wore. It made her a little sad. She wanted to be a child forever. Specifically her lord's child. She wanted to be his.

She was sitting in Lady Kaede's hut, touching delicately, the embroidered kimono. It was far too fine for a common village girl. She smiled. In this way, with all his little gifts, she still belonged to him. Belonged to the great demon lord Sesshoumaru. It was an honor. Only recently in her coming adulthood, did she realize how honored she truly was that Sesshoumaru had taken her in. She sent a silent prayer of thanks to him.

(Rin's POV)

I undress and then I slip on the kimono, but I leave it untied since I cannot do up the obi by myself. I simply admire the feel of it against my naked body. The cold silk against my warm skin. It feels wonderful. I close my eyes and think of Sesshoumaru. The silk of the kimono reminds me of the silkiness of his hair. I haven't seen him in so long, haven't felt him. The cold hardness of his armour. The softness of his pelt. The warmth of his hand. The smell of his hair. The way his eyes glowed amber when he looked at me. I miss my lord. My king, my god.

I only see him in parting glances now as he drops a box, perhaps filled with a kimono, perhaps something else, down at the doorway and then quickly leaves. I wonder if he misses me as I miss him. But then, I know he does. I know he thinks of me. Sesshoumaru is not one to drop gifts off here and there as if it were meaningless. No. I know I am in his thoughts and in his heart. And that is enough. Even if I never am able to touch him again. Never able to travel with him. Never truly his again. Just the knowledge that I love him and he loves me, I can live this human life. Take a husband, be a mother. Grow old and die. But I will never forget him and I will never stop loving him.

-

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

_Sometimes I wonder where Rin came from. Naturally I know she is from a human village, I even know what village specifically. I have made a point to stay away from there. But..Sometimes I wonder about the people who created Rin. Her parents. I imagine they were as dull and ordinary as any other human peasents. Her father possibly worked in the fields, and her mother remained in the village making clothes, cooking..raising Rin._

_I wonder if there was something..special about her mother that she passed to Rin. But..I know that..whatever it is about this little human girl is entirely her own. Yet still..she came from a human village..and lived an ordinary life. Tragic, but..nothing unusual. Humans died all the time. _

_Did her mother ever wonder what was going to happen to her daughter? Did she ever think that she would live a life...quite different than her parents. What would she say..if she knew...her little baby girl had become the ward of a great and powerful demon lord. Would she scream? Demand that I "release" her child from my evil clutches? Or would she ..be happy? That Rin had not died a meaningless death and became food for the wild animals. That she has already become something unique. _

_Would her mother be proud if she knew her daughter had the courage to appoach a demon...and had the heart to try and save him? Would it please her to know that her daughter follows a demon lord accross the country, talking animatively, often annoying said demon lord's servant? Or would she disown her? Claim that that little girl is no daughter of hers. Call her a witch or a whore as so many humans would do. What would her father think? Would he try to kill Rin in some bizzare attempt at saving her soul?_

_I do not know why these thoughts cross my mind. They are unimportant. Rin's parents are dead. And she is with me..for however long she wishes._

_-_

A young man, a few years her senior, had asked her to marry him. His name was Keichi and he was a good man. She cried. He believed it had been from happiness and had embraced her. She hugged him back so she didn't hurt his feelings, but inside she felt her heart crumble. Her childhood was over. Her dreams were done. And Sesshoumaru wasn't coming back for her.

She never said yes to his proposal, but he took that she did. She never denied it. This was the best she had to hope for now. She wasn't the odd little girl that followed a demon lord that had brought her back from the land of the dead. She was a woman now. And it was time she accepted that. When she told Kagome(who had insisted that they were friends and Rin could drop the honorifics), Kagome embraced her and told her how happy she was for Rin. Rin smiled and nodded.

"I know you love Sesshoumaru Rin.."

"But he isn't coming back. Not for that. I can never be his." Kagome hugged her friend and let her cry into her shoulder.

On the day before her wedding, Rin thought of her parents. She hadn't thought of them in the longest time. Had things gone the way they should've, they would be here today. Her mother helping her prepare, her father talking to her husband to be, sharing sake with him. But things didn't go that way. And now she had no family. She'd made friends and she was content. And she knew she should be grateful for that. Yet, she still longed for her lord.

There was a banquet in her honor. Her friends had all gathered inside Kaede's hut. Kaede was no longer the go-to village miko, Kagome was. Rin often wondered why Inuyasha and Kagome never married, but they seemed happy. They were both here, celebrating with her. As was Miroku and Sango and they're children. Shippou was there too, performing tricks and illusions. He had met a lovely lady kitsune and had brought her along as well. Everyone was happy and smiling, including Rin. On the inside she felt herself dieing.

Inuyasha tensed. Kagome's smile fell as she looked at him. Something was wrong. Then the attention of the demon energy came to the human residents. The party stilled.

"Rin....Sesshoumaru is here." Inuyasha said in a quiet voice. She wasted no time in running out the thatch flap door.

And there he was. In all his glory, his armour shining, his hair glistening. Her lord. Her beloved lord. She was wearing the furisode, the last gift he had given her.

"Sesshoumaru-sama..." Words she had not spoken in far too long.

"You're being wed tomarrow." Rin looked down, her chest feeling cold and hollow. He knew. This was her last chance. She looked up, her human brown eyes meeting his unearthly golden ones.

"Take me with you!" She shouted. She cringed a bit, she hadn't meant to be so loud. Her friends may have heard. What would they think? She had agreed to marry Keichi after all.

"Is that what you truly want? You could have...a normal human life. You're human Rin."

"I am. I know. But I want to be your human. Your woman."

(Rin's Mother's POV)

_I have just given birth to a little girl. I know my husband would've rather had a son, but I don't care. I did go to the temple and pray for a boy, a son. I did everything that was expected of me as a woman. I thought good thoughts, hoping that my optimism and good characteristics would be passed to my child. I wondered how I would raise my baby. All normal thoughts I'm sure. Pregnancy is not rare or even all that spectacular. It is expected._

_But..all that flew out the window when I held my daughter. She was mine. My precious baby. She couldn't be more special. She was perfect. There was nothing ordinary about her. She was an angel, tiny and fragile in my arms. And I knew right then and there I would give my life for her._

_And I did._

_-_

Keichi, drenched in sweat and dirt, walked back to the village from the fields. He was accompanied by his fellow workers. They were all tired. Conversation was weak, it had been a long day. His wife probably ahd dinner prepared. he smiled thinking of his beautiful wife. She was a good woman and she had born him two sons. Next year, his eldest son would join him in the fields. His youngest was still at the breast. And he and his wife were still young. More children were sure to follow. And the village was prosering as it never had before. Life was good. Keichi was happy and he knew his wife was happy too. It wasn't the easiest of lives, but it was a good one.

He arrived at his hut. He lived with his parents, youner sister who had yet to be married, his wife and children. He probably should start looking for a husband for his sister soon. She was reaching that age.

Dinner was set out. He smiled, relieved to be home. His back was aching and his stomach was growling. He sat down and his wife poured him some warm sake. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

-

"Inuyasha! Get up! Rin-chan has to visit us!" Kagome kicked the sleeping hanyou who growled at her, but did as he was told and stood up. He still slept sitting up, his sword to his chest, his back to the wall. Kagome was certain he would sleep like that forever. He was happy and content now, sure, but a long past of fear and torture doesn't just leave you. She smiled, a little sadly at her dearest friend.

She and Inuyasha walked out to greet Rin. She was smiling happily, her hand on her obviously pregnant belly. Inuyasha looked surprised, but only a little. Kagome smiled knowingly. She went to greet her long time friend with a careful hug.

"Oh Rin-chan! It's been so long!" Rin giggled.

"I know! I'm sorry, but I've just been so busy!"

"I see that!" Kagome looked pointedly at Rin's swollen belly. Rin blushed. Inuyasha looked out past Rin, a glare on his face.

"So...you do realize that your kid is a halfbreed right?" He asked calmly, yet his voice was dripping with venom. Kagome glared at him. But she understood his anger. Sesshoumaru had after all, tried to kill him for his human blood.

"Yes, but he will be my son, and therefore stronger than you. His human blood will hardly matter." Ever the calm. Ever the smug.

"You cocky bastard!" Rin and Kagome watched the exchange with concerned eyes. Inuyasha marched right over to Sesshoumaru until they were only a foot apart. Inuyasha was still significantly shorter than his older brother, but he made up for it in his wicked stare.

"Congradulations." Inuyasha said to his brother grudgingly. Rin sighed with relief and Kagome smiled.

"Thank you." And then Sesshoumaru ruffled Inuyasha's hair as if they had always been brothers in more than name.

(Sesshoumaru's POV)

_I left Rin at the human village that my brother resides in. I leave her there knowing that this is would be wrong of me to make her remain with me. She was human and she and forgotten that. She could not be my ward forever. Jaken cried when we left her. I was not surprised, but I was still greatly annoyed. I kicked him and I felt better._

_I left her there in hopes that she would grow and learn how to be the human woman she was. Rin had that right. The right to a normal life. A husband, children. Though it sickens me to think of any man ever touching her. She is mine. But that must be her decision._

_I leave her, knowing I will come back for her. After she has truly experienced the human life she should've had, after she has grown. I will come back and then she could honestly decide. She could choose a human man and a human life or she could choose me. I leave it to her. _


End file.
